The sudden loss
of a loved one can be a traumatic and damaging experience which if not
monitored and managed can cause lifelong challenges. For Gail Lue Lim and
family, having the right support system was what hoisted her from her valley of
darkness and has kept her going for the 18 years since she lost her firstborn,
and only son.
A promising University
of Technology student, Nicholas Lue Lim had built up a cadre of friends, having
played football at Mona Preparatory, Wolmer’s Boys, and was called to train for
the Jamaica under-17 football team. His friends in turn provided the supportive
network for his mother, father, and his sister in their time of grief,
consoling them and creating an avenue to speak about positive memories that
kept his name alive.
Nicholas died on
December 19, 1998, from injuries he sustained when a motor vehicle crashed into
a car he was in with friends, on a soft shoulder at Ferry, St. Catherine. “He
died the day after the crash, and I was there at the University Hospital of the
West Indies, with dozens of friends, including some who came from overseas the
morning to show their support,” his mother recalled.
Road crash fatalities
in Jamaica has been as high as 444 in 1991 to as low as 260 in 2012. Each year, millions of newly injured and
bereaved people from every corner of the world are added to the countless
millions already suffering as the result of a road crash. The World Day of
Remembrance for Road Traffic Victims provides a day of remembering the millions
killed or injured on roads across the globe.
Paula Fletcher,
Executive Director of the National Road Safety Council (NRSC) noted that the
day is a significant one on Jamaica’s calendar. “It brings to the fore the pain
and memories of those who have been victims, but is critical in providing a
safe space for families and friends to commemorate their loved ones, find their
own ways to cope, and to share their stories to begin or continue the process
of healing,” Fletcher said. “The world might move on from the tragic news, but
for close friends and relatives, they will always remember and bear the weight
of that memory. We sympathize with all those who have lost their loved ones,
and remind them that support and comfort is available once you reach out. This
is not a journey to take alone.”
Coping with her
loss has been an ordeal, but Gail made a conscious decision to cling to the
happy memories, always choosing to remember her son as a cheerful charmer who
had many friends and a hunger for chasing his dreams. The support of Nicholas’
friends, her church, as well as her extended family has given her the strength
she needed through her period of grief. “For the entire time before his funeral
my front door was never locked. The kids were there all the time and people
were there all over the house,” Gail explained. “I had all my friends and
family so they were all the medication that I needed. It makes me feel so
blessed, and so when any other child out there dies, especially from a crash,
it is emotional, I cry for the parents and pray that they get the same kind of
support that we did.”
After the
funeral at St. Andrew Parish Church, the support had been more remarkable, with
scores of friends and family who turned out and remained a part of their lives
ever since. She added, “At the funeral is one thing, during that time you need help
but to me the greatest support is the years after, you can’t beat that. His
friends have always been coming to the house, to sleep over, have a good time, do
birthday calls, hang out, and for Christmas. They have always been there for my
husband and I and my daughter. Some never imagined that young people could be
so caring until they met the group of friends that he has left us with over the
years. There is just so much hope when you’re around them.”
To muster the
courage to go through each day, Gail listens to music, and around the anniversary
of his death, she finds solace in her love for Christmas. “He died a week
before Christmas, maybe had he not died around that time I wouldn’t have coped
so well over the years. Because I love Christmas so much, I love the message of
Christmas and the carols, it has helped significantly,” she reasoned. “I love
being around young people, I find that they are honest and will tell you things
like it is and they are so appreciative of the simple things and that helps to
cope, to know that they have no inhibitions when they love you. The other thing
is that my son is buried at my church yard so every Sunday I go to church we
visit the grave and the kids will follow us.”
Gail admits that
she has come a long way over the 18 years, but her feelings and her
conversations about her son have never wavered. She still speaks about him with
love and warmth - a means of cherishing his memories, and healing the wounds
created by his absence. “When you love your children it is something that will
always be there in your heart, I can talk about him with joy even though he is
not there. I’m probably less emotional so talking about it, I’m more joyous.
I’m a stronger person now because I couldn’t pass the crash location for a long
while, and I didn’t want to go back to where we lived, but I got over that.”